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Real pure dyke

- Damn, how long will it last?!
She enters the kitchen, glancing sceptically at misplaced CDs upon a banquette. First four on the top are «Night Snipers»’ ones, another one is in my tape-recorder. I’m washing my dishes as «Snipers» go home, being clean and light. Okay, this probably got her really.
- Change tape if you want,- I say over my sholder, opening refrigerator to get fish and vegetables out of it. For a second I deside if to move the tape from recorder to my CD-player, clipping it to my belt and putting on my headphones, but I clearly realize what I’ll hear – about the way it’s all typical.

That to do after supper? Where’s no traning today and in our basketball hall they change radiators today. Why not to make use of it to get out to drink beer with my friends? But during lazy chat someone can tall what shit are all these modern TV-shows and as I answer that he’s right though the lead female from «The Weak Link» is just great, they all will giggle at me and say: «Sure, we know WHAT you like in her!»
Or should I stay at home? I could take my guitar and match a tune for another «Snipers» song humbling it without words just not to let them laugh at me. But as I humble it in this way she knows that I mean, for when I match somebody else’s song – «Auction» for example – I always tell her about it. Just like if I excused. Or I could get another topic magazine from my French friend. Or I could turn on my PC to check what’s new there at Lesbi.ru forum. Or to see a movie. Okay, to watch «Philadelphia» or «The way you want me» for dunno what time. Or something to read – Virginia Wolf or «Mitin zhurnal». But then I’ll see misery on her face.

My wardrobe holds different t-shirts, jeans, pants and laced high boots. There are also some strict suits and shirts but they are meant for my job. I got a wedding ring on my right little finger and short hair. I believe that I’m independent, honest to myself and to the people that surround me, and that I got a strong will and nerves. I got a high position in my firm, there nobody asks me unnecessary questions. I wonder if there is something in me not to witness my homosexuality?

I know that I’m absolutely typical. It’s almost written on my forehead that I’m lesbian. As a child I thought that I hated stereotypes. «Won by that we’ve been fighting with», as people say. Where the fuck is my personality? I feel not too fine when I think of it. I understand that people keep on thinking that «all lesbians are the same» as they look at me. Unfortunately, they can’t understand how different lesbians can be because of ones like me. They will never know it because they can never select the out of us. But I needed the «coming-out» to be myself and - finally – to respect myself. What is nice to think of is to realize that there are a lot of girls like me. And getting even more. That’s not an aspiration to join a common stream. Thet’s like Jacques Preverre: «Je suis comme je suis, je suis faite comme ca» (I am what I am and that’s just the way I was made). I like to be the way I am, I feel comfortably, even if they treat me as a typical, pure lesbian but I don’t care about the way I fit or not fit the society. I’m gonna still listen to my stupid lesbian music, use my trainers in a crazy way, wear my high boots thru all the year, keep my hair short and to visit corporative parties with my girlfriend. You may show at me with your finger if you want when you meet me. I’m feel glad with myself. What about you?

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